The third day I was in Staunton, I heard a fire truck zoom by our house all hot and bothered with siren and flashy lightness and this bizarre swirling pin wheel thing on ecstacy tweaking out in the front. How interesting that a fire would be afoot on my third day in this small town. A few hours later, I witnessed it again. And then again.
Surely, this place could not be so devoid of entertainment that arson would become its patented pastime.
Nearly every day, that damn fire truck has interrupted my stories on the TEEVEE, or a much needed nappy-poo or a Saturday morning hangover. My beloved housemate Daniel (aka The Iron Tongue of Midnight) and I started calling Bullshit.
BULLSHIT!
During one of our Friday Night Tour Drink-a-thons, we heard our Poser-Truck yelping. Daniel and I, in proper Poser-Truck martyr form, both exclaimed Bullshit. (If we had money, we might even bet it to test who may call Bullshit first.)
BRIDGET: You can't call bullshit on an emergency response vehicle!
But oh. I do. And did, last night.
My new favorite post-rehearsal hobby is saddling up in my shitty Chevy Cavalier. Blairing the loudest musical flavor of the day, getting lost and finding my way back home again. After about thirty minutes of aimless gas wasting, I decided I should go home and do something productive and less harmful to the environment. (Sorry, Earth.)
While I was parking, Poser-Truck said " BLEEEEELHLHLEHEHBBBBLEHE!!!!!"
I was finally in prime position to prove Bullshit.
U-Turn.
I followed that damn truck to what I assumed must be a church burning down or a cat stuck in a tree. A REALLY DAMN TALL TREE. Like skyscraper suicidal kitten. Because only such a thing would deem worthy for that kind of ruckus.
After four blocks, the Poser-truck un-posed its lights. Un-posed its sirens. Un-posed the cracked out pinwheel. He casually turned corners at the speed limit. And said, "Hey, I'm not really in such a hurry. In fact, I'll use my blinker now." It lead me back to their poser-home of a fire station.
Thus I have witnessed and proven the Emergency Responce Poser Joy Ride.
And I end my tale with this ...
I CALL BULLSHIT.
Apparently if you live on Beverley, you don't deserve sleep, TeeVee stories or a peaceful hangover.
... I can't wait to go on tour.
Um... YES Bullshit to half of the emergency vehicles here in NY. They do the same thing. I was looking out my window dow the block (5th story so can see pretty far) cop car turns on his lights, then just four blocks down turns them off. Just for the green lights... F going to sleep is the message I get from EVs here. No teevee(s) or hangovers yet. but soon maybe. Good luck on tour.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha this is awesome. And sad. At the same time.
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