Elevator Boogie

So I'm sitting in the hotel lobby of Hampton Inn in Oneonta, NY. When people hit their floor button inside the elevator, the elevator hesitates for a few seconds as if to wait for other possible passengers. I am sitting near the elevator writing this right now. Everytime the elevator hesitates, I have this very agressive yearning to dance crazily in front of them until the elevator closes because they really can't do anything about it, and it would only be for about three seconds. Yes, I think this will happen.

Quick? Recap:

Lexington, VA – Theatre at Lime Kiln. Our only outdoor venue which happened to be soaked. We played on their alternative stage under a tent .  We had to spend a good amount of time re-blocking some moments and sweeping the stage of moisture. The stage was very shallow, but extremely wide.  The pipe and drape system ran extremely wide and because the dressing room was so far away, we had to try to fit everything and everyone backstage. I love the challenge of having to adapt to these new spaces despite the fact that I almost died on a stool.

We stayed in the most beautiful bed and breakfast I have ever. ever. ever. seen. However, I cannot remember the name of the gaw dang thing.

Percellville/Sterling, VA/Washington D.C. - Huge Leaf Bug that stowed  away in the discovery space curtain bins. Dropped a billion dollars on bar b q wings, buffalo strips, fried fish, fries, Fat Tire and Guiness. Day off allowed a day trip to Washington D.C. with the Earls and the Rick and Bridget. Saw Lincoln Memorial, White House, Capital, Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, World War II Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, saw Jake’s older brother, Mike Mahler, perform at the Kennedy Center for free. Ate awesome cheap burgers and beer with the Earls and a U of H grad student friend, Amelia and her cousin, Emily at badass dive bar. Bought President playing cards for a million dollars at the Lincoln Memorial so that we can play “Presidents and Assholes” proper. I must admit, being in DC just makes you feel patriotic. Go America.

Baltimore, MD/Loyola University – Holy crap the students here dress nice. Private Catholic University. Food court in same building as the theatre. Performed all three plays for the very first time, which was good for all of us. Great acoustics. I got in a big argument about how people in Baltimore don’t pronounce the ‘t’ in Baltimore so it sounds like Ball-i-more. Witnessed Gene the happiest I may have ever seen ANYBODY when we got fresh steamed crabs at Conrad’s Crabs. By far the best crab ever had, ever, ever, ever. Wacking things with a mallet is fun. They salt the exoskeleton so that it can inflame the cuts you endure from the experience. I started writing three songs. One about pimping to the tune of Lily Allen’s “Smile”, a punk rock song about loneliness (wah wah) and in the works about a song about Baltimore Crabs. Had first reading of my play, ‘Over-Seasoned’ in Daniel’s hotel room. And the greatest thing of all, I got a surprise visit from Travis Emery Hackett and his badass current tour partner, MJ. Travis is one of my life-long besties and it’s amazing whenever I get the slightest taste of whatever HOME is on this trip. He graced me with a picture of Baltimore’s Voted Best Vet holding a cat that appears to be extremely uncomfortable. This gives me great joy ever morning. 

Nelsonville/Logan, OH – Stuart’s Opera House is a beautiful old vaudeville looking theatre. The staff was awesome. They extended a platform from the stage over the orchestra pit, which transformed into this magical thrust. One of the most brilliant experiences of this tour so far was when during our rendition of ‘Wimoweh’, like 15 kids got onto the stage and danced with us. This also was the most I had adventured in terms of exploring a town on my own. My goal: to find a coffee shop. I googled like a heathen and found a promising destination.  I took the fat clunky-ass cargo van into town by myself in search of L and J’s coffee shop, ended up getting lost, drove thru the country side, turned around in somebody’s mud drive-way/front-lawn (half way thru the U-turn I realized there were some graves in the front yard … whoops) and then parked the car in downtown and walked around for an hour unable to discover said coffee shop. I finally stumbled upon another coffee shop called The Spotted Owl. There was a fountain inside, and pictures, murals and miniature statues of owls all around the café.  This was a good sign for Michael, as I adore the owl as a symbol. I worked up the courage to talk to the barista as she seemed roughly my age and was the first person I had seen in this town with an unconventional piercing. I invited her to the show and quickly made a friend. I also met her dog, Artemis and her Eyore collection. I wish to continue getting over my fear of talking to strangers on this trip.

Steubenville, OH –VENUE option!? Yup. We chose, Winter’s Tale performed in a chapel that was converted from a rec room. Very awesome attentive audience. Interesting performing that play of repentance with religious paintings and statues surrounding us. Damon’s grill in the hotel is crap, and we are still upset about it.

(9 hour drive featuring Ruby Tuesday salad bar and red velvet cupcakes.)

Oneonta, NY –  (… to be continued)

Awesome things about touring:
1. Every person you meet from a small town seems like a character in a novel because you only get the stories of their life and little of the hum-drum.  It is a surreal romantic experience.
2. Texting Denice quotes.
3. Beltway Fine Wine in Baltimore. (‘t’ not pronounced)
4. Conrad’s Crabs in Baltimore. (‘t’ not pronounced, GLENN.)
5. Watching Patrick learn to play guitar.
6. Taking the melody of ‘Smile’ from Lily Allen and co-constructing a song about pimpin’ with Eugene. And yes, I will play it for you. And yes, you will fall in love with me. ;)
7. Witnessing Jake and Patrick’s Car-side Cribbage rivalry.
8. Witnessing people fall in love/be in love.
9. RUBY-TUESDAYS!
10. YMCA trips with Daniel. Fighting the good fight for vanity. (health optional)
11. Talking to awesome worldly and cultured volunteer disaster relief volunteer ex-Walmart construction big-wig retired army guy during cigarette breaks outside the Hampton Inn.  
12. Yellow Deli in Oneonta.
13. Glowing red trees on the drive thru Pennsylvania. FOLIAGE HOLY FORKING FOLIAGE, BATMAN.
13. Running into Travis Emery!!

Interesting, less-than Awesome things about touring:
1. Down time / nine hour drives can be rejuvenating, sometimes can be fun, but often are just kind of boring.
2. Stinky clothes.
3. Trying to parallel-park the cargo van.
4. Motion sickness.
5. Damon’s grill. Meatball sub sans marinara? Brown iceburg salad. 4085 minute ticket times. Gassy times. I hate to hate on restaurants, but screw that place. (If our waitress happens to be reading this, you were very sweet, Darlin’, I’m sure it was the kitchen’s fault.)
6. Witnessing people fall in love/be in love and then going home to Evan Williams. (He is not gentle.)
7. Farts. Just in general.
8. People having to drive back to a different state because of lost keys. L that sucks, guys.
9. Un-intended celibacy.

 Peace, Love, and New York Autumn Leaves,
Dola